I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
handjob tips. give me some.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
