Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
