this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
