and you said cock pushups were impossible
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
