Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
