I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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