I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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