oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
