I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
