have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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