Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
