where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
its not stalking. its research.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
