She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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