apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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