Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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