ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
