He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
