If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
