I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
