my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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