I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
