Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
