I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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