sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
