why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
