I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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