Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
