I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
