Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
