Whoa Z and x make the same sound
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
