did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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