Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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