Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
