when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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