quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
