So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
