did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
