I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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