I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
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This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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