i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
