Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
