If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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