I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
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She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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