I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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