If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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