I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
