I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Welp...herpes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
