Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
