A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
