i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
