He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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