DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize