broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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