I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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