Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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