is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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