i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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