stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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