I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
