Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
