I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
