And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
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I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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