the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
