Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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