All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
