I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
