You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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